Tales From The Bartender: Getting Fired Edition

Illustration for article titled Tales From The Bartender: Getting Fired Edition

Here is a list of things not to do when your boss is threatening to fire you (especially after a couple of sit-downs in which he tells you to be more conscientious and stop fucking up):


*Stop being conscientious.
*Keep fucking up.
*Cry. And Cry. And Cry.
*Become a blatant brown-noser.
*Keep fucking up.
*Take the wrong food out to the table.
*Do that three times in one week.
*Have your table flag down a hostess and tell them that they're going to leave if you continue to serve them.
*Have that happen three times.
*Have that happen three times in the same night.
*Have that happen three times in the same night at the same time.
*Cry.
*Get pissed when a server (read: RedWriter) refuses to go on break because she doesn't want to come back to angry tables because you have the Midas Touch (that is, if everything Midas touched turned into a category five shitstorm.)
*Throw a tantrum when other servers follow said server's example.
*Become completely insufferable.
*Instead of focusing on your job and your performance, you start asking various people why everyone hates you.

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*Facebook message a majority of your coworkers and ask why they don't like you.

*Start fishing for compliments by coming into a crowd of servers and declaring that you're going to quit since no one likes you.
*Throw a tantrum when no one bothers to correct your statement.

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*Make an older couple, who are regulars, cry because you're a horrible fucking person.
*Try to justify your behavior to three pissed off bartenders (who only found out because the couple came up to the bar, very upset) instead of apologizing.
*Cry.
*Cuss out the hostess.
*Yell at the hostesses that they are bad at their job because you don't make money (when if fact, you're just a shitty server.)
AND FINALLY, when you see that termination is near, and that it's coming much, much sooner than later, what you should never, ever, ever do, when your boss threatens fire you is be vindictive and decide to email your boss' boss and make up a big lie about him sleeping with another manager. BUT if you decided to do this, DON'T GO AROUND AND TELL PEOPLE THAT THIS IS YOUR PLAN!

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